Quotes Taken from actual performance evaluations: (Respond with additions to the list)
"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity."
"He couldn't lead a pack of starving wolves to fresh meat."
"I would not allow this employee to breed."
"This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be."
"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
"When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there."
"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
"This employee should go far – and the sooner he starts, the better."
"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
"He couldn't count his balls twice and come up with the same number."